How to stop your teen’s mock revision from ruining Christmas

If your family is anything like mine, the Christmas holidays have arrived not a moment too soon. This term has been LONG and your teen will be in serious need of a break. 

Christmas is all about fun, family time and relaxation. 

So, if your teen is one of those year 11s who has mocks as soon as they go back to school in January, your heart is probably sinking a little bit. 

You want your teen to do well in their mocks but at the same time, you want Christmas to be Christmas. 

I am sure that your teen is thinking the same and it’s perfectly understandable that they might be feeling very torn (and possibly a little resentful). 

Does your teen follow either of these patterns when it comes to revision?

 Scenario 1: teen procrastinates on revision, causing the parent to feel that they need to encourage/cajole/nag (delete as appropriate) until they do.

Scenario 2: teen is so keen to do well that they over-work and become anxious and stressed (cue parents becoming anxious and stressed).

My own teens pendulate between the two, seemingly with no middle-ground. Neither scenario is easy. 

So how can we help our teens revise for their mocks whilst also keeping a harmonious household over the festive period?

It’s a balancing act. 

Tip 1: Allow your teen to voice their feelings

It is easier to be the ally than the enemy. Let them know that you understand their feelings – whatever they are. 

If they are feeling resentful and angry that they have to revise over Christmas, allow them to voice this. 

Equally, if your teen feels that they need to do a lot of work over the Christmas period, let them know that you will support them to do this. 

If you meet your teen where they are at, they will feel heard and understood. This alone may diffuse any conflict and they may even open up to you further about their frustrations.

For further ways to help your teen express their feelings, see 12 ways to help your teen express their emotions. 

Tip 2: Help your teen to create a holiday revision plan

The biggest waste of precious holiday time is for your teen to be thinking or worrying about revision but not actually doing any (a very common scenario). 

The best way to avoid this is to create a revision plan before the holidays even begin.

First (and most importantly), decide on the days that will be strictly revision-free. If there are family events that you would like your teen to be present at, discuss this with them in advance so that everybody knows where they stand. 

Secondly, support your teen to do the following:

  • Decide how much time per (working) day they will realistically spend on revision – this will vary so much between teens. For some, it might be 30 minutes. For others, it will be significantly more. 

 

The important thing is that your teen decides. There is no point whatsoever in them sitting in their room and pretending to revise. That is such a waste of precious time and is not good for your teen’s mental health. 

  • Decide the time of day which is best for your teen – again, it needs to be their choice or it won’t be productive. Some people can focus for long periods of time and others need to work for only 15 minutes at a time. 
  • Write down all the topics that they need to revise over Christmas for each subject (many schools do not do all papers in the mocks, so this narrows it down for some). 
  • Make sure that your teen knows exactly what they will be doing during each scheduled revision slot. 

With this plan in place, you and your family can fully relax into a guilt-free, conflict-free Christmas knowing that the revision is taken care of. 

For more detailed info on how you can best help your teen through their exams, see 11 ways to help your teen ace their exams. 

Tip 3: Give your teen the responsibility of following the plan

Once you have helped your teen create a plan, they will be able to revise independently. 

As parents, we often feel it is our job to hover over our teens and try to make sure they get everything done. This can sometimes be less than helpful as they can become complacent, thinking that we will always be there to ensure it gets done.

Sometimes, if we remind them once and make it clear that we won’t remind them again, it can be quite motivating. 

If your teen has perfectionist tendencies, you can also empower them by helping them see where they have choices. Let them know that they can choose how long is reasonable to spend on a task and they can choose when to stop.

Tip 4: Alleviate their fears and keep them calm

Help your teen to maintain a sense of perspective. So many of the teens I work with are anxious about the mocks because they have attached a lot of meaning to them. 

If you would like some further tips on how to help your teen stay calm and maintain perspective, take at look at these blogs:

How-to-help-your-teen-through-their-mock-exams

How-to-help-your-teen-feel-positive-about-their-mock-results

What can you do if your teen chooses not to revise or spends too much time on revision?

It can be really frustrating when your teen appears unwilling to do any revision. I get that. 

However, it is useful to remember that every behaviour has a positive intention, even if the behaviour itself is less-than-easy to live with.

Getting to the bottom of the intention behind the revision-avoidance (or the overworking) is the key to being able to help your teen.

Often, the clues can be found in the language they are using.

Is it an insecurity issue?

For example, “I don’t like Maths” could mean “I don’t understand the work”, “I’m scared I will fail” or “I’m scared of my teacher.”

Asking a few questions to get to the REAL issue could be enough to completely turn it around. Once we know what the real problem is, we can help in a more meaningful way, rather than just focusing on nagging them to just “get it done.”

Is it an energy issue?

Let’s face it. School is tiring and restricting – on the average school day, teens have very few choices. When it gets to the holidays, they might be craving some freedom.

Asking “When is a good time for you to do your revision?” can be far more effective than “You are not doing anything until you’ve done your revision.”

Giving them a limited choice might also work because it is still a choice. For example, “Are you going to do your revision before dinner or after dinner?”

Is it a fear issue?

“I can’t stop until I’m finished” is often loaded with meaning. What do they think will happen if they do? Once you understand the belief beneath the belief that they can’t stop, it will be far easier to offer reassurance and assistance.

If your teen would like some support with figuring out a plan following their mock results, I am currently offering 1:1 3-hour breakthrough sessions 

In the new year, I will also be offering a new mentoring package – the same features as the 3-hour session but with long-term support and mentoring up until the summer exams. 

If this sounds like something that could help your teen, let’s chat.