I’m 45 years old and this week I found myself sobbing in my car, full of feelings of shame and humiliation, after attending a new class.

I’m sharing this story because it has given me a whole new level of understanding about what may be going on for many of our teenagers.

Gaining good GCSE results is not simply a matter of being “smart”.

I believe that ALL teens have the resources in them to achieve whatever grades they want to achieve.

Your teen just needs these two things: self-belief and a strategy.

This might seem a bit controversial.

Surely all teens “should” study hard and “should” try to achieve “top grades” … shouldn’t they?

Hmmm. This is what we are programmed to believe, isn’t it?

But here’s the thing: studying to the exclusion of all else to achieve top grades might not align with your teen’s values. And living a life which is not aligned to our values is a recipe for unhappiness.

It’s that time of year again. Some teens are bored and can’t wait to get back to school.

Some are far less enthusiastic.

Then there are those who genuinely dread it.
As a confidence coach and tutor of teens, I specialise in working with the quiet (and often overlooked) teens – the out-of-the-box-thinkers, the highly sensitive, the empaths. Many of the teens I work with say that they dislike school.

So, your teen now has their GCSE results and is thinking of their next steps. Maybe their plan is to stay on at their current school for sixth form.
Your teen might be thriving at their school. If this is the case, that’s fantastic.

But if your teen is anything less than thriving, it might be worth helping them to consider the alternatives.

Beliefs play a big part when it comes to achieving our learning goals.

How many times have you heard your teen say any of the following statements?

“I always fail.”
“I’m always bottom of the class.”
“I’m rubbish at Maths.”
“My brother/sister/cousin/best friend is cleverer than me.”
“I’m just average.”

Teens are so used to talking about what they are good at in terms of school subjects that they often find it less than easy to express who they are and what they are good at outside of this.

But your teen already has so many skills and one of the most important things we can do as parents is help them to identify those skills, develop them and then articulate them to others!

You want what is best for your teen.

You want them to grow up to become an all-round decent human being – successful, kind, capable, independent.

But sometimes it seems that their day-to-day behaviour is completely out of alignment with your wishes for them.

When it comes to learning, we often focus on factors such as intelligence, motivation, and teaching methods.

But one crucial aspect that is often overlooked is their preferred learning environment and this will vary enormously according to the individual. This is why it is important to ASK your teen what they need, rather than TELL them.

Do you have a teen in Year 10 or Year 12? Are you wondering how much revision they ought to be doing over the summer holidays?

The truth is that there is no simple answer to this question.

For the past 4 weeks, I have been running coaching sessions for students in Years 10 and 12. We have been setting goals and working out summer revision timetables.
So far, no single revision timetable has looked the same. Why? Because no two people are the same.

Some weeks ago, I set a student a standard GCSE question: write a description suggested by this picture (which was a sunset).

The piece they handed in was rather good.

Did it include high level vocabulary? Tick.

Did it include a range of language features such as similes, personification and metaphors? Tick.

Did it contain a range of ambitious and accurate punctuation? Tick.

A pass in English and Maths is the “ticket” to get to the next stage, whether that be 6th form, college or an apprenticeship.

But in placing so much emphasis on the academics, are we forgetting to teach our teens these fundamental life skills that will be vital for the rest of their lives, regardless of which career path they choose?

The exams are over. Your teen has had a bit of a rest. So, what next?

The long summer break presents an excellent opportunity for Year 11 teens to gain valuable work experience, develop new skills, and earn some extra income. They’ll make new friends, gain independence and get a bit of an insight into the world outside of the school environment.

I have already given my daughter her congratulations card and gift and we’ve had our celebration dinner to celebrate her results.

This might seem a bit mad to some. After all, she hasn’t got her results yet.

For me though, the numbers are not the most important thing. Yes, really.

They have been waiting an eternity for this moment and had expected to be on cloud nine.

But sometimes, however unexpected, it can take a while for the joy to kick in. Sometimes it can take a while to get used to the sudden change (and the sudden freedom).

The GCSEs are coming to an end and I could not be more relieved. This year it has been very different for me. For years, I have helped hundreds of teens through their English exams but this year my own daughter was also doing them.

It has really opened my eyes to just how much pressure our teens are under.

From September, I will be changing the tuition model I have been using for the past 8 years. I have been testing this model out with some of my students in years 10 and 11 this year and it has worked so brilliantly that this is the only model I will be using moving forward.

If your teen is feeling overwhelmed, it is hardly surprising.
Your teen will have been told over and over again how important these exams are for their future.
It’s our job as parents to show our teens the bigger picture.

The countdown is on. Your teen might be seeing signs all over the school counting down the number of days left until the exams. Every teacher they see will be reminding them. Your teen will most likely be thinking about their upcoming exams 24/7 (even if they don’t appear to be).
The positive intention behind these reminders, of course, is to increase motivation. But for many teens, it has the opposite effect.

There is a lot of pressure on teens at this time of year.
They may feel pressure from their teachers.
They may be comparing themselves to their friends.
They may be absorbing the collective anxiety at school.
There is so much that you can do from home to help keep them in a positive mindset, which is so vital for them to reach their potential.

If your teen is now at a stage where they feel confident they can pass, imagine what they might be able to do with the time left available! I’ve seen teens move up 2 grades in these last 8 weeks. These last few weeks are when your teen can make the MOST significant difference to their grades.

The teens most likely to suffer from burnout are the sensitive, conscientious ones. The irony is that when teachers are nagging the class to work harder, those that are working the hardest are often the ones who take it to heart.

These teens are the victims of the 3 Ps – people pleasing, perfectionism and procrastination.

Over the past few weeks, I have begun to see many of the teens I work with start to fray around the edges. They seem demotivated. They speak of how exhausted they feel.
They are emotional. The pressure is on before the summer exams and quite simply, they are worn out.

Teens are so used to talking about what they are good at in terms of school subjects that they often find it hard to express who they are and what they are good at outside of this.

Your teen might be thriving at their school. If this is the case, that’s fantastic.
But if your teen is anything less than thriving, it might be worth helping them to consider the alternatives.

Many of the teens I work with say that they dislike school.

Homework, exams, deadlines, detentions, raised voices, busy corridors, unstructured breaktimes, answering questions and reading out loud in front of the class, peer pressure…yes, it’s water off a duck’s back to some, but for sensitive teens it can be overwhelming and all-consuming.

Did your teen plan to do their homework on the night it was set but are already back to finding themselves in a Sunday night panic?
Is their carefully planned colour-coded revision timetable now screwed up under a pile of clothes?
It can be tempting to think that it is because they are “lazy” or lack motivation or simply don’t care enough.
The truth is that it is most likely to be something else entirely.

Often, we set New Year’s Resolutions that we feel we “should” set ourselves. I know that this has often been the case for me in the past. I feel that I “should” drink less caffeine, yet ultimately I don’t want to. It brings me joy. Therefore, I have never managed to do this. The same is true for our teens. If they think that they “should” study more yet don’t actually want to, they are unlikely to stick to it.

Has your teen seemed emotional, angry or irritable this Christmas?
Have they retreated to their room a lot and appeared anti-social or moody when people are visiting?
Let’s look at it from their point of view for a moment.
What does a highly sensitive person find most challenging?

If your teen is one of those year 11s who has mocks as soon as they go back to school in January, your heart is probably sinking a little bit.

You want your teen to do well in their mocks but at the same time, you want Christmas to be Christmas.

So how can we help our teens revise for their mocks whilst also keeping a harmonious household over the festive period?

It’s not easy to watch when your calm, easy-going and generally obliging teenager suddenly morphs into a grunting, sulky, whingy individual who can only be coaxed away from their TV/phone/Xbox (delete as appropriate) for food.

Sometimes we can be forgiven for thinking that they are doing it on purpose just to wind us up – part of being a teenager. But if you stop there, then you stay there. Stuck. Not knowing what to do next.

I have found that an all-round more useful approach is to remember this mantra: EVERY BEHAVIOUR HAS A POSITIVE INTENTION.

Is your teen telling you that they are less than pleased with their mock results?

It’s very common for teens to feel like this at this time of year.

The thing is your teen is exactly where they need to be at this point in time. Mocks are there to provide valuable feedback on what your teen needs to focus on next to achieve their end goal.

It is what your teen chooses to do with this feedback that is important.

Young people often feel like they go from 0 – 100 in seconds but when we break that down we can always identify a build up to the explosion. In my experience, some teens struggle to find the language to express how they are feeling, often resorting to only “happy” or “sad” or even not knowing how to put a word with a feeling at all.

As parents, we cannot guarantee our teens a smooth path through life (even though it is what we want more than anything in the world). But we can teach them the tools to be resilient to life’s challenges, so that they can truly enjoy life’s highs and quickly bounce back from the trickier times.

One of the best ways to help your teen protect themselves from becoming a victim of bullying is to help them to get clear on their own values, to recognise their own self-worth and to learn how to build healthy relationships with others by setting boundaries.

The truth is that the single most important thing that you can do for your teen is to help them find balance and calm so that they can be in the right state to achieve their potential.

Whether your teen is an over-achiever, a perfectionist, a procrastinator or a revision-avoider, here are a few ways you can help your teen get into the right mindset for their mocks, so that they can achieve success

I have been offering English tuition to teens on a one-to-one basis for nearly 7 years now. During the first session when I ask them to tell me about themselves, they nearly always say the same thing: I’m not good at English.

This is not a fact: it is a belief.

We hear it from our teens all the time, don’t we? School is boring. Homework is boring. Revision is boring.

It’s easy to dismiss this as “teenage behaviour” and tell them to just “get on with it.”

For some teenagers, it genuinely isn’t that easy.

It’s not easy being a teen studying for GCSEs. It’s also not easy being a parent of a teen studying for GCSEs.

It can be tempting to periodically bark at them to “get revising” and beyond frustrating when all they seem to be doing is watching TV, playing on the Xbox and seemingly doing anything but studying.

Homework, exams, deadlines, detentions, raised voices, busy corridors, unstructured breaktimes, answering questions and reading out loud in front of the class, peer pressure…yes, it’s water off a duck’s back to some, but not all.

For sensitive teens, it can be overwhelming and all-consuming.