How to help your teen through their mock exams
It’s that time of year again for many of year 11 – the first set of mock exams. I’ve been through this so many times over the years with the teens I work with – from the perfectionists who feel guilty every second they are not revising, to the procrastinators who spend a lot of time thinking about revising but somehow can’t quite get started.
But this year is a first for me. This year, I am also the parent.
It is quite a different perspective – through supporting my daughter I’ve felt first-hand the huge emphasis being placed on the importance of the exams, the constant comparison with peers, the pressure, the “shoulds”, the relentlessness and the tiredness.
It can be less than easy as a parent to know what to do to help.
The truth is that the single most important thing that you can do for your teen is to help them find balance and calm so that they can be in the right state to achieve their potential.
Whether your teen is an over-achiever, a perfectionist, a procrastinator or a revision-avoider, here are a few ways you can help your teen get into the right mindset for their mocks, so that they can achieve success.
Help your teen prioritise their free time
Yes, you read that right.
Often teens come to me for coaching because they feel that they “lack motivation” (or worse) they have been told that they are “lazy”.
It usually (very quickly) becomes apparent that this is not the case.
As humans, we unconsciously develop behaviours and habits to meet our fundamental needs and teens NEED free time. Although they may not be aware of it, their procrastination and resistance to study may well be their unconscious minds pushing against the restrictions placed upon them. The more they feel their freedom being taken away from them, the more strongly they will resist revision.
By helping them schedule in their free time FIRST and showing them that you know it matters, they can feel safe in the knowledge that they have this and will be far more open to then planning for study. This is why nagging often makes your teen resist harder.
Help your teen get a change of scenery
Even though my daughter chose to spend a lot of half-term revising for her mocks, I booked a family “holiday”.
Yes, it wasn’t our usual kind of holiday as we were all working remotely. We joked that it was a “revision holiday” but it served its purpose:
- She had a change of scenery
- We did one fun thing every day
- She revised only during the hours she had planned to revise – there was no time spent thinking about revising or worrying unproductively
- There was no comparison with peers
- She returned to school energised, refreshed and in a positive mindset for sitting the exams.
You don’t need to go on holiday to get this change of state though. What one thing could your teen plan to do each day to get out of the house and have some fun?
Make sure your teen knows their exam results do not define them
This is super important. After a lifetime of being told how important exams are for their future, it is understandable that many teens will be feeling the pressure to “succeed” in these exams. It may feel huge to them.
Encourage them to reduce the emphasis they are placing on the exams by reminding them of who they really are and all the amazing skills that they have to offer the world.
Focus on their wider skills – communication skills, technical or computer skills, analytical or problem-solving skills, for example. They could even do an audit of their skills here Skills assessment | National Careers Service to boost their confidence and enable them to start telling others what they are good at, regardless of their exam results.
Encourage your teen to look for positive role models
When teens are surrounded only by people their own age, it can be easy to slip into the trap of thinking that success at school is the be-all-and-end-all.
Who do they most admire? Researching or chatting to role models can encourage teens to see the bigger picture and realise that there is far more to success than just exam results.
If your teen would like some support to get into the right mindset to fully achieve their potential, let’s chat.
If you would like to get more actively involved in helping your teen revise for their exams, take a look at some of my other resources and services:
