How to help your highly sensitive teen through the hectic festive period

Has your teen seemed emotional, angry or irritable this Christmas? Have they retreated to their room a lot and appeared anti-social or moody when people are visiting?

Let’s look at it from their point of view for a moment. 

What does a highly sensitive person find most challenging?

  • Loud noise
  • Busy social settings
  • Bright lights
  • Crowds
  • Spending lots of time making small talk
  • Absorbing other people’s energy
  • Mess and disorder
  • Too many things scheduled at once
  • No time alone

For many, these are the best things about Christmas but for highly sensitive people, it can leave them feeling drained and out of sorts.  

Add to this the fact that this list is widely considered to be the main ingredients for “fun”, and your teen might be wondering if there is something wrong with them (I know that I felt this way for many years, particularly as a child). All children love mess, parties and noise, right? I HATED it. 

Bear in mind too that this same list of factors are the things that the teens I work with (and my own teens!) find most difficult about school. And they have just finished a very long school term.  

If you are a person who feels energised by being around others and thrives in a party atmosphere, it can be difficult to relate to.

But there are many people who feel that they have to put on a “mask” to get through social situations and Christmas is often so full-on that if that mask is going to slip, you can guarantee that Christmas is when it will happen. 

So, what can you do if your teen is overwhelmed and overstimulated?

(1) Make sure your teen knows that it is ok to express to you how they really feel

Many highly sensitive people are also people-pleasers and will put their own needs to one side to please others. However, it is these repressed feelings (and unmet needs) that often lead to the angry and emotional outbursts at Christmas.  

(2) Make sure that your teen is comfortable with the arrangements in advance 

Some teens struggle with sleeping in a strange bed, eating unfamiliar foods or wearing uncomfortable clothing. All of this will add to the over-stimulation and overwhelm. Some people can’t sleep in a room with other people. Some don’t like eating in front of other people. Again, it’s less than easy to relate to if it’s not your experience, but quite traumatic if it is. 

I am neurodivergent and I find it very difficult to hear if there is a lot of background noise as I can’t filter the sounds. These Flare Audio Calmer ear buds have been a game-changer for me. They filter the sounds for me and enable me to focus on conversation. They also take the “pain” out of certain sounds that are stressful for me to listen to such as repetitious or high-pitched sounds. 

(3) Organise a way for your teen to subtly communicate with you if they are feeling uncomfortable

Let your teen know that if they feel uncomfortable or need to leave a situation, it’s ok for them to let you know. Perhaps they could send you a text or another agreed way for them to let you know such as placing their hand on your shoulder. 

(4) Let your teen know that it is ok to sit in the corner doing a low impact activity.

Many teens find small talk difficult – it’s very common. As adults, we often worry that if our teens are playing on their phones, they appear “anti-social”. However, many of the teens I know use screens to help themselves regulate their emotions when it all gets a bit much.

(5) Allow your teen a day alone to recuperate. 

If you allow your teen a day to recuperate between each social situation, their stamina for socialising is likely to be significantly increased. 

(6) Allow your teen to say no 

This is a big one for me. If I only ever teach my children one thing, I want it to be that they can say no. 

I want them to know that it’s ok to set boundaries. 

I want them to know that how they feel matters.

I want them to know that it is perfectly ok not to do things just because other people think they “should”. 

If you have a quiet and sensitive teen, there are many reasons to celebrate this. You can read about these here in my blog, https://www.charlottenooncoaching.co.uk/blog/reasons-to-celebrate-your-quiet-teen/

If your teen would like some help to embrace their sensitivity and create boundaries and coping mechanisms so that they can thrive as a sensitive person, have a look at my coaching services here.