6 ways to reframe your teen’s behaviour
You want what is best for your teen.
You want them to grow up to become an all-round decent human being – successful, kind, capable, independent.
But sometimes it seems that their day-to-day behaviour is completely out of alignment with your wishes for them.
It’s particularly noticeable during the summer holidays. The house can become a pressure cooker of emotions. But before you start pulling your hair out, let’s take a step back and look at things through this lens:
Every behaviour has a positive intention.
Yes, every behaviour. The sarcastic comments, the eye-rolling, phone-scrolling, the sleeping all day long, the procrastination … all of it.
Let’s take these oh-so-annoying behaviours one by one.
Breaking rules
It’s easy to feel like your teen is pushing all your buttons just for the sake of it, but take a step back and try to see it from their perspective. This rebellion is their way of asserting their independence and individuality. Remember, they’re going through a period of intense self-discovery, trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in the world. It’s like a rite of passage, and while it might challenge your patience, it’s a vital part of their journey towards becoming a confident and self-assured adult. Read here for more tips on how to help your teen become independent
Phone-scrolling
If your teen seems glued to their phone, scrolling through social media for hours, it’s easy to worry about them wasting their time. But here’s the thing – they’re building connections and making friends online. The digital world offers a different kind of socialisation, and it’s a space where they can explore their interests and passions. They might even be building valuable skills like digital literacy or content creation. So, while moderation is key, try to see the positive side of their online escapades.
Choosing friends over family
If your teen seems to prioritise their friends over family, don’t take it personally. It’s not that they don’t love you; it’s just that their friends are their support system outside of home. Remember, friendships play a crucial role in their development.
Procrastination
Before you get mad at them for putting off their chores or homework, understand that they might be feeling overwhelmed or anxious. They could be struggling to manage their time and responsibilities, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Read more info and tips on why your teen is really procrastinating.
The eye-rolling
It’s a way of expressing their emotions when words fail them. It’s a form of non-verbal communication that helps them cope with situations that are hard to articulate. Model other ways to help them express their emotions.
Sleeping all day
If there’s one thing that seems to define most teenagers, it’s their love for sleep. You might find your teen snoozing away at seemingly odd hours, and it might lead you to think they’re just being lazy. But here’s the thing – the sleepiness is not just laziness; it’s a natural part of their development.
During adolescence, your teen’s body is going through significant changes. Growth spurts, hormonal fluctuations, and brain development are all in full swing. These processes require extra energy and nutrients, and that’s where sleep comes in. Sleep is essential for the body to recharge and support these rapid changes, ensuring that your teen grows both physically and mentally.
However, there’s more to it than just physical growth. Sleep plays a vital role in their cognitive functions and emotional well-being. While they snooze, their brains are busy processing the day’s experiences, solidifying memories, and even practicing new skills learned during the day.
You may notice that their sleep-wake cycle has shifted, making them more inclined to stay up late and sleep in. This shift is due to changes in their biological clock, called the circadian rhythm. It’s a natural occurrence during adolescence and is often referred to as the “delayed sleep phase,” which means they naturally feel more alert and awake in the evening hours.
While it might be tempting to wake them up early in the morning, try to understand that their bodies genuinely need the extra rest. Consistently depriving them of sleep can lead to various issues, such as difficulty concentrating, irritability, and even compromised immune function.
So, the next time you see your teen snoozing the day away, remember that their bodies are working hard to prepare them for adulthood. Embrace their sleepy sloth phase, and you might even find that a well-rested teen is a happier and more balanced teen. Plus, who knows, maybe they’ll even surprise you with their newfound energy during their waking hours!
The next time your teen’s behaviour drives you crazy, take a moment to pause and see the positive intention behind it. As they navigate through this rollercoaster called adolescence, they need your understanding and support more than ever.
And those sassy remarks and sarcastic comments? Well, they actually come from a place of wit and intelligence. Your teen is developing their sense of humour and honing their communication skills.
It’s not always easy, and there might be bumps along the way, but remember, they are doing their best to navigate this crazy world – just like you are!
And they probably want for themselves exactly what you want for them: to grow up to become an all-round decent human being – successful, kind, capable, independent.
If your teen would like some support to set goals and reach their potential, there are still some spaces on my mentoring programme for September www.charlottenooncoaching.co.uk/teens-at-school
