What to do if your teen is feeling lost after the exams
Spoiler alert … the answer is nothing.
Your teen has been focusing almost entirely on their exams for months. It is all their teachers have talked about. It is all their friends have talked about. Their lives have revolved around them.
Whilst they might not have loved every minute of their studying (massive understatement intended)
It has given them certainty.
It has given them purpose.
It has given them clarity.
And now, suddenly, it is all over.
No more school.
No more deadlines.
No more late nights poring over Maths textbooks.
They have been waiting an eternity for this moment and had expected to be on cloud nine.
But sometimes, however unexpected, it can take a while for the joy to kick in. Sometimes it can take a while to get used to the sudden change (and the sudden freedom).
If your teen experiences a crash after all the hyperfocus, this is not at all unusual. They might feel tired, grumpy and lacking in motivation at first.
Here are some ways in which you can help:
Allow them to rest
They may hyperfocus for a while on TV or video games. This is ok. Nagging them to “do something useful” before they are ready might prove less than helpful.
Imagine if you left a bath running with the plug in. Eventually the bath would overflow and create a mess all over the floor which would be less than easy to clear up. BUT you could prevent this from happening by simply pulling out the plug.
This is what we need to do for our teens this summer. They are likely to be experiencing information overload and we need to give them time to decompress and relax.
The way that each teen will choose to do this will differ. Some might spend the whole time charging around the football field or engaging in every sport on offer. Some might binge-watch Netflix. Some might spend all day gaming.
It doesn’t matter how they do it. The important thing is that they are able to CHOOSE where they get their energy so that they can recharge.
Allow them to get bored
For so long, they have had their time directed. They might not have a clue where to start in terms of filling their own time. It’s tempting to plan things for them to do. We live in a culture where we often feel pressure to schedule our teen’s time to be seen as a “good” parent.
But this can be less than useful as they will simply move from having their time directed by their teachers to having their time directed by you.
If teens always have all their activities scheduled for them, how will they ever learn to schedule their own? How will they know who they want to spend time with? How will they learn to plan their own day out or navigate their own way around public transport?
A teen will not wake up one day when they hit 18 and magically be able to do these things. They need to be taught and they best way to teach them is to give them the space to explore and experiment, whilst guiding from a distance.
This summer is the perfect opportunity to press the reset button – to bring some lightness and fun back into their lives so that they can start again in September with a new sense of energy and independence.
Encourage them to make (their own) plans for a few weeks’ time
Knowing that they have something to look forward to once they are feeling rested might help to energise them.
If a teen learns early in life what makes them happy and has the freedom to follow their own interests, they are far less likely to wake up one day as an adult realising that they feel unfulfilled because they have been striving after a dream that was never theirs in the first place.
If your teen would like some help to find direction and purpose, let’s chat. I offer coaching sessions to help teens to find what motivates them.
