Overcoming the 4 most common obstacles to success
Part 1 – how to help your teen avoid overwhelm
Does your teen struggle with any of the following:
- Overwhelm and fatigue
- Organisation
- Boredom and focus
- Lack of self-belief?
They are not alone. Most teenagers (make that most people!) struggle with these things on some level.
I have ADHD and so have struggled with these things throughout my life (this blog post is not about ADHD but, if you would like to, you can read more about my ADHD journey here)
The reason that I mention it here is simply so that you know that I get how your teen might be feeling.
I know all too well what it is like:
- To be outwardly succeeding but inwardly struggling
- To look around and feel that everybody else seems to be finding life easier than you
- To feel that a lot of things that seem clear to others don’t make sense to you
- To wish that you could find the confidence and words to ask the questions you need to ask (without sounding like a weirdo!)
- To feel utterly exhausted by trying to cover up all of the above.
I know that this is an experience that resonates with many, many teens.
The great news is that over the years, I have developed a multitude of hacks to help me achieve my goals, which I can now use to help your teen find their own way to achieve their goals … their way.
So, let’s get started with ways to help your teen avoid overwhelm …
Homework, exams, deadlines, detentions, raised voices, busy corridors, unstructured breaktimes, answering questions and reading out loud in front of the class, peer pressure…yes, it’s water off a duck’s back to some, but not all.
For sensitive teens, it can be overwhelming and all-consuming.
Add to this the fact that every teacher thinks that their subject is a priority. Our teens are being told that, above and beyond the work being set at school, they should be doing enrichment tasks and re-reading their notes. Sometimes they will have multiple tests in a week to revise for, alongside possible sport fixtures or music commitments. At the same time as all this, their phones are pinging with social media notifications every five minutes, with friends expecting instantaneous replies.
It is not a wonder that they feel overwhelmed.
But the great news is that you can help.
Overwhelm occurs when there is too much information to process in a given time frame. This can be because too much is happening at once or because the information is being presented too fast.
The key is to slow down.
Tip 1 – Break the state
If your teen is in a state of overwhelm, their adrenaline levels will be high. If their adrenaline levels remain high for a long period of time, it will cause them to crash later and they will feel exhausted (like an adrenaline hangover).
They need to break this state before they will be able to think about anything else. Sometimes it can take up to two hours for their rational brain to “reconnect”, so if they need a break, it is important that they take it.
Encourage them to take a walk to increase their oxygen supply to their brains and then start fresh tomorrow.
Tip 2 – Tell your teen that there is plenty of time
Often, fear is used as a motivator – our teens are told that this is their ONE chance to succeed, that there isn’t much time and so they need to put pressure on themselves.
For some, this is motivational. For sensitive teens, it can cause them to freeze.
Regardless of how much time we actually have before an event, it can be so much better for our neurology to believe that we have plenty of time rather than a limited amount.
If your teen focuses on what they can do with the time they have got, rather than focusing on the time they have not got, they are likely to feel calmer and therefore be more productive.
In my office, I have a calendar up to the exams and I chat to the teens about how they have ages and encourage them to imagine all they could achieve before the exams if they consistently do a realistic amount of revision each day. It’s a game-changer for motivation.
It can also be useful to reframe what it means to work under timed conditions. Many believe that they “can’t” work to a timer. Encourage them to think of all the times they have enjoyed doing something within a time limit – perhaps a favourite game or getting a chore done super-quick so that they can do something more fun. This shows them that they have the resources within them to work quickly. And when we look back at previous successes, that’s when we succeed.
Tip 3– Use positive language
Words such as “pressure,” “stress” and “overwhelming” are less than helpful – they embed the negative state. Instead, use words such as “calm” “slowly” and “relaxed” as these words will help your teen to access these more resourceful states.
Tip 4 – Ask your teen what their priorities are.
Everyone involved in our teenager’s lives will have different ideas about what our teen should be focusing their time on but what is important is what your teen wants. They are far more likely to perform well by concentrating hard on a handful of things they enjoy than if they spread themselves too thinly.
Get your teen to visualise what they would like their life will be like when they are 25. What should they be focusing on now as part of this plan and what can they let go of?
Tip 5 – Help your teen to organise themselves
We expect a lot of our teens. We expect them to know how to revise, how to organise their time, how to create a routine.
The truth is that many just don’t know how.
As parents we can show them how to do this. In my experience, many only need a helping hand to set up a structure and they are then able to independently do the rest.
In next week’s blog post, I will be sharing tips on how parents can help their teen get organised.
If your teen would like some additional support, I am currently running 3-hour breakthrough sessions to help your teen reduce overwhelm and get organised.
