5 things you can do to keep your teen positive during exam season
There is a lot of pressure on teens at this time of year.
They may feel pressure from their teachers.
They may be comparing themselves to their friends.
They may be absorbing the collective anxiety at school.
There is so much that you can do from home to help keep them in a positive mindset, which is so vital for them to reach their potential.
1. Use positive language.
“Think about anything but don’t think about a pink elephant.”
I bet you are thinking of a pink elephant, aren’t you?
This is because our brains only process key words. When we say, “I don’t want to be stressed, our brains process the word stressed and it becomes an instruction and we behave accordingly.
Instead, encourage your teen to say, “I want to be calm.”
Change the word “difficult” to “unfamiliar” and encourage your teen to say, “When this becomes familiar, I will be able to learn it quickly and easily.”
2. Help your teen to visualise success.
Our brains cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is visualised.
We can use this to our advantage.
Help your teen to close their eyes and be in the moment where they achieve success right now – what do they see? What do they hear? What do they say to themselves? How do they feel?
Repeat this regularly so that the image becomes stronger and stronger. If they have been worrying (i.e. visualising failure), this is a particularly important exercise. With practice, the vision of success will become the new normal.
3. Help your teen take the fear out of the exams.
Fear is not a great motivator. Our unconscious minds perceive our emotions through our five senses. Your teen might feel that their exams are looming right in front of their face or weighing down their shoulders; they might even feel suffocated by the pressure.
You can help them by getting them to recognise where they feel the overwhelm or fear. If it is inside them, get them to imagine slowly pulling it out.
If it feels big, get them to imagine shrinking it and leaving it in the corner of the room until later or maybe even throwing it away altogether. They will instantly feel lighter.
4. Help your teen to access calm whenever they need it.
Our brain codes our experiences through the 5 senses. For example, the smell of suncream might put you into a state of happiness as you think of holidays.
We can use this to our advantage.
Create an environment in the home where your teen is able to get into a state of complete calm – preferably on a day when there is no time pressure. As they experience this calm, get them to notice what they can see, hear, feel and smell.
As they notice these things, ask your teen to do something else at the same time. For example, they might choose to gently rub their knuckle. This will tie the memory of calm with the rubbing of the knuckle.
Whenever your teen needs to feel calm, they will be able to rub their knuckle and the feeling of calm will be there for them.
This is incredibly effective but should be repeated regularly for maximum impact. Over time, your teen’s brain will connect the touch of the knuckle with the feeling of calm.
5. Help your teen see what they can influence.
Your teen might feel that factors outside of their control are affecting their success (such as not liking their teacher).
This is less than helpful. By thinking in this way, your teen is giving away their power.
Help your teen to draw a circle. Write all the things that they can’t influence on the outside and all the things that they can influence on the inside.
There is so much your teen can influence such as how much time they spend using revision resources on the internet.
Encourage them to focus on what they can do.
I have known many students to pass their exams with flying colours with no teachers at all!
