3 Reasons your Teen’s New Year Resolutions Haven’t Lasted

We are now a couple of weeks into January and I don’t know about you but for me, Christmas feels like a distant memory.

It’s perfectly normal by this point for the motivation to stick with those New Year’s Resolutions to start waning.

Did your teen plan to do their homework on the night it was set but are already back to finding themselves in a Sunday night panic?

Is their carefully planned colour-coded revision timetable now screwed up under a pile of clothes?

It can be tempting to think that it is because they are “lazy” or lack motivation or simply don’t care enough.

The truth is that it is most likely to be something else entirely.

Which of these reasons might be more true for your teen?

Reason #1: They don’t believe in themselves

All beliefs start somewhere. No child is born with beliefs about what they can and can’t do. We form these beliefs from the feedback we receive from those around us. Most beliefs are formed before the age of 10 (most commonly between the ages of 3 and 7).

Many of the teens I work with can recall a memory of when they created the belief that they were not smart – often it relates to the “table” they were put on in primary school, a throwaway comment from a teacher or comparison with peers.

Sensitive children are more likely to take these experiences to heart. 

Once a young child forms a belief such as “I am not smart,” their minds will filter for evidence of this … and so that is what they will see. They will unconsciously delete and distort any information that does not fit with this belief. This all happens at lightning speed and your teen will be unaware they are doing it.

Now imagine this.

Your teen wants to do well in their GCSEs and has created a revision timetable that they promise themselves they will stick to.

Each time they sit down to do their revision, the nagging belief that they are “not smart” is lurking in their unconscious.

Their shoulders slump. They feel overwhelmed and tired.

They pick up their phone and begin scrolling and they instantly feel better.

Looking at it this way, it’s hardly surprising that they are not sticking to the timetable.

The key is to encourage your teen to recognise this unconscious belief for what it is: a belief. Sometimes this understanding alone can be enough to shift things.

If your teen would like additional support to shift those less-than-helpful beliefs, so that they can stick to their revision timetable, take a look at my 1:1 3-hour breakthrough sessions.

Reason #2: They are comparing themselves to others

It’s true. Comparison really is the thief of joy. But we all seem to do it, don’t we? And it’s rarely a level playing field. 

When I compare the tidiness of my home, for example, I often compare myself to others who do not work full-time.

When I compare the amount of hours I spend on networking, marketing and finding opportunities to grow, I usually compare myself to those who don’t have school-age children.

I rarely give myself credit for what I do and most people I know are the same. Society teaches us to compare and despair.

If anything, this is even more challenging for teens because so much emphasis is placed on their grades. They might be looking at their peers who seem to be effortlessly getting top grades in English and Maths and feeling that they are not enough. It is likely their minds will have deleted their compassion, their kindness, their creativity, their ingenuity, their sporting aptitude, their ability to problem solve and find quick solutions because they are filtering for evidence of not being “enough”.

That’s enough to sap anybody’s motivation, right?

This is why it is so important for us as parents to ensure that our teens are aware of their many qualities, skills and talents so that we are setting them up for success in life.

There is a quote which frequently pops up on Instagram, which I love: She silently stepped out of a race that she never wanted to be in, found her own lane, and proceeded to win.

If we can help our teens to recognise their own strengths, goals and passions, there will be no need for them to compare themselves to others because they will have the confidence that they have something unique to offer the world and that simply being who they are is enough.

If your teen would like more support with identifying their own unique qualities, talents and skills, take a look at my coaching services. I am absolutely passionate about helping teens to recognise their strengths at an early age.

Reason #3: They need more adjustments and support to reach their goals

This is the most common (and most under-recognised reason) that teens struggle to reach their goals. They simply need a few minor adjustments (that they are often not aware of) to support their learning.

I have a neurodivergent brain. For me, this means that unless I have absolute clarity over exactly what I need to learn and how I will need to present this knowledge, I am lost (and in the past I have sometimes not reached my goals the first time as a result).

Now I know what I need, I feel empowered to ask for it and it rarely causes me issues. If I didn’t ask for the extra clarity though, I probably wouldn’t get it because it’s a level of detail that most would find unnecessary. This is why it’s so important for our teens to get to know themselves and their needs rather than beat themselves up for “not getting it” or “not being able to do it.”

This is not just the case for people with a known neurodivergence though. We ALL learn differently. We All have different strengths. And if we play to these strengths, we have a far higher chance of success.

Because of my own need for clarity, this is the way I tend to teach. I have lost count of the times that I have explained something to a teen and they’ve said, “Oh, is that it? I thought it was more complicated.”

Providing additional clarity to those who need it is generally a quick fix and can make all the difference.

Here are some other easy adjustments that might help your teen fulfil their potential:

  • Do they need help to get organised?
  • Do they need to move their bodies more so that they can focus better? (a big one for me!)
  • Do they need silence or white noise to focus?
  • Do they need to talk through the task before they start it?
  • Do they need help to create a visual timetable to keep them on track?
  • Do they need to listen to/watch revision resources rather than read them?
  • Do they need to record themselves talking through the answer to a question before writing it up?
  • Do they need a period of alone-time directly after school to recharge?
  • Do they need information printed on paper so that they can see everything at once, rather than flicking between screens? (another big one for me).

These are all ways in which you can support as a parent. For more tips, see 11 ways to help your teen ace their exams