Why it’s ok if your teen doesn’t want to achieve top grades in their exams

This might seem a bit controversial. Surely all teens “should” study hard and “should” try to achieve “top grades” … shouldn’t they?

Hmmm. This is what we are programmed to believe, isn’t it?

But here’s the thing: studying to the exclusion of all else to achieve top grades might not align with your teen’s values. And living a life which is out of alignment with our values can be a recipe for unhappiness. Yes, read that again. 

Try this exercise for a moment.

  • Write a quick list about what is important to you in your career.
  • If you had all of these, would there be anything missing?
  • If you could only have one of these, what would it be?
  • If you could have a second, what would it be?
  • If you could have a third, what would it be?

These are your top 3 values in your career. Now think for a moment – to what extent are these values currently being met in your career on a scale of 0-10?

My top 3 values in my career are flexibility, autonomy and choice. I’m sure you can see why self-employment suits me so well! Often in employment, I have had to compromise these values and have been less than happy, sometimes leading to me feeling demotivated and uninspired.

Now, let’s apply this to your teen within education. Some teens tell me in coaching sessions that they simply do not want to put in the work it takes to reach the top grades. When I ask them why, they will tell me that they value the following things more highly:

  • Sport
  • A hobby
  • Free time
  • Being outside
  • Trying new things
  • Spending time with family and friends

This is why when I am working with teens to create a study timetable, we always put in the things they value most highly first.

This is so important.

If we feel that we “must” do something that does not fit with our values, often it leads to resentment and unhappiness.

Here are some important things to remember when it comes to success:

Not everyone’s path is based on academia

Remember, life isn’t a one-size-fits-all scenario. Just because some teens excel academically and hit the books like there’s no tomorrow doesn’t mean every teen has to do the same. Our children have unique talents, passions, and interests that may lie outside the classroom. Embrace their individuality and let them explore their own path.

Success comes in many forms

Success isn’t solely defined by academic achievements. Some of the most successful people in the world didn’t excel in traditional education, and that’s okay! Think entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, or athletes. Encourage your teens to discover what truly brings them joy and fulfilment. Success should align with their values and what they’re passionate about.

 

Your teen is so much more than a number

We all want our teens to grow into well-rounded individuals, right? There’s so much more to life than passing exams. Encourage your teens to explore extracurricular activities, volunteer work, or hobbies that resonate with their values. These experiences can teach them valuable life skills like teamwork, leadership, and resilience.

Emotional wellbeing is essential

Studying hard can take a toll on mental and emotional wellbeing. For some teens, the pressure to perform academically might lead to anxiety or stress. Let them know it’s okay to prioritise their mental health and strike a healthy balance between academics and self-care.

There is no use in your teen having straight 9s on their CV if they are too burnt out to do anything with it!

Values drive long-term happiness

When your teen aligns their actions with their values, they’re more likely to experience long-term happiness and fulfilment. Encourage them to identify what truly matters to them, and let that guide their decisions.

There are many ways to reach a destination

Gone are the days when further and higher education were “the” ticket to success. Alternative pathways like vocational training, apprenticeships, or online courses offer valuable opportunities too. If your teen’s values lead them away from traditional academia, support them in exploring these options.

Learning extends beyond the classroom

Let’s face it: some kids thrive on hands-on learning or real-life experiences. Travel, volunteering, or internships can provide invaluable lessons that textbooks can’t teach. Embrace these opportunities for growth and learning outside the classroom.

The world of work is changing

As our world evolves, so do career opportunities. Who knows what the job market will look like in a few years? Flexibility and adaptability are becoming increasingly crucial. Encourage your teens to cultivate skills that are relevant across various fields, regardless of their academic preferences.

In the end, what matters most is that our teens grow into confident, compassionate, and responsible adults. So, let’s give them the freedom to explore their passions, values, and dreams. Support their journey, cheer them on, and remind them that it’s absolutely okay if studying hard doesn’t align with their values.

Remember, every teen is unique, and that’s what makes this world so beautifully diverse.

I work with teens to help them set and achieve academic goals that are right FOR THEM by helping them explore their beliefs, values, goals and aspirations. If your teen would like some help with this, there are still some spaces left on my academic mentoring programme in September www.charlottenooncoaching.co.uk/teens-at-school